My mother has had a rough time making it through this her 80th year.
Early in the year, her beloved church voted to disaffiliate from the larger United Methodist denomination. In simple terms, the church was voting an up or down on allowing gay and lesbian folks to be ordained. Since Mom believes that we are all created in the very image of God and that our birthright as a child of God is an ordination, the act of even needed a vote was distasteful. While the vote resulted in staying as United Methodists, a significant number of members left the church. People that my mom considered family; folks that my mom had loved and ministered to over the past 20+ years.
It broke her heart.
In the middle of all this, my mom's only brother succumbed to a years' long battle with kidney disease. She has mourned his passing, grieving for the little boy he was and the childhood they shared. My uncle, who never married or had children of his own, had always left the tough decisions to mom, meaning she was responsible for his final arrangements and then the executor of a rather complicated estate.
The added struggle was her physical health. Arthritis throughout her body and lung issues as a result of her immobility took a major hit to her overall quality of life. Thankfully, she agreed to hip replacement but the quick recovery we had convinced ourselves of hasn't actually panned out. She is making strides forward each day but the therapy involved has been painful and she has lost hope from time to time.
Like I said, she's had a tough year.
Luckily, for me since my retirement last year, I've had more time with my parents, especially my mom.
We've eaten lots of Sausage Egg McMuffins (mom's favorite). We've shared stories of heartbreak and hilarity. We've agreed that we have lived lucky, love-filled lives. I've even taught her to say a few cuss words. We have also made lots of trips to the Dollar Store.
Throughout the year, I've learned lots from my mom. How to love folks who hurt you, how to grieve for what was and what you wish it had been, and how to plow through physical and emotional pain, while loving those around you, seeking out the broken and never doubting the presence of God in it all.
But oddly enough, the most profound lessons I've learned have been at the Dollar Store, trailing behind my mom as she slowly pushes her buggy down the crowded, unkempt aisles touching a dishcloth on one side and then a plastic flower arrangement on the other side. What started out as painful for me, a person with a strong aversion to any shopping, has become a holy time and I am changed because of it.
These are the lessons I've learned.
1. Dollar cards with a hand-written note from my mom are much more valuable than the $5 ones at Hallmark.
2. Slime that makes fart sounds is a gift of communion when the recipient is your 4 year old great-granddaughter.
3. Knock-off crayons are not acceptable, no matter how cheap. Some things are worth the higher price.(Mom was a kindergarten teacher after all.)
4. Fuzzy socks and loofahs and handsoaps are good to put into "thinking-of-you" baskets to be delivered throughout the week. They are my mom's physical representation that she shares in your joy or carries your grief.
5. Don't go through the self-checkout aisle. Wait for the tall, skinny young boy with tattoos and ear gauges to catch your eye and cheerfully open a lane for you. Ask him how he's doing, look him in the eyes smiling at him like you've just seen the face of God.
I'm looking forward to a healthy year with my mom, with her being able to make me French toast in place of McDonald's and sweep her own floor, with her laser eyes seeing specks of dirt that my own eyes could never see.
I'm even looking forward to those Dollar store trips, where she walks a little quicker down those sacred aisles.
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