Saturday, April 16, 2011

The 34th Day of Lent

A rainy, cold day. Stinks if you're at the fireworks show (Thunder) kicking off the Derby Festival. But, since I've spent the day running errands and hanging with Will, the weather didn't have much play in my day.

The rain held off long enough for me to walk a couple of times with Grace. My ankle is feeling stronger each day, and, with the brace on securely, I'm starting to increase my walking, which is already helping with my mental state.

Having Will around has helped me cut back on obsessive thoughts, and eating has been a breeze. I think things are getting back to normal for me, slowly but surely. . . thanks to getting back to basics.

Dear Renfrew Crew,

Thank you for teaching me some really stupid little quotes that have changed my life, such as:
  • Put your feet on the floor.
  • Do the next right thing.
  • Your worth can't be measured in weight.
  • Balance is everything.
  • Get out of your head.
You also told me not to depend too much on the f word when describing my feelings or mood. The f word being Fine. Fine is never honest.

You held the space for me to put everything else on hold and concentrate only on recovery. You took my cell phone, monitored mail, set my bedtime and wakeup time. You counted how many times I walked up the steps each day. Gave me bonus points whenever I asked for support. You counted my calories for me and kept the numbers on the scale a big secret. You held on to my razor and checked my body each day for cuts.

You completely eliminated any chance of me making an unhealthy choice, and allowed my body and brain to become well-fed and unmedicated.

This week I've gone back to the quotes often and refused to let myself say I'm fine. I'm glad I spent those 40 days with you. Sometimes, I'm far enough from those days that I start to wonder if I was ever really sick enough to have even been admitted.

This week, I know that I was and that the foundation you helped me to build has proven strong even when my fortitude is not. I not only survived this week, but I thrived. I chose to live well in the midst of anxiety and stress. I chose to keep my feet on the floor and move forward.

Life is good. Thanks for helping me to discover that.

Angela

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