The Seventeenth Day of Lent

Dear Mom,

I've been putting this letter off because you really deserve a well thought out, multi-draft letter, and I've been waiting for the perfect time. Since I've been in a little bit of a flat spot, I wanted to wait until it passed and I could really fire up all of the engines in my heart and mind.

On reflection, though, I realize that maybe when I'm struggling some is the perfect time to write to you. You are probably the only person who trusts in my recovery even in the difficult times. You realize how dedicated I am to my healthy rituals, and you don't sit around waiting and praying for the mental illness to go away because you know that it is part of who I am. . . and interestingly enough, because you are my mother, you love and claim all of those parts.

It would take a very large book to record everytime you have saved me over the last 48 years so I'm not even going to try. The only thing I can do is to try to pay it forward. Watch the love and passion I have for Sam, Carly and Will and know that your love has made that possible.

I wish I could promise that it's all downhill from here, but since I don't read the future I can't make that promise. However, I can say that my love for you will only grow stronger with each passing day, and for now and always, it will always be you and Jesus that I know will never leave me alone. And for that, during this Lenten Season, I will give thanks.

I love you.
Angela Lou Collins