Off Balance

For the past couple of nights, I've had trouble sleeping. . . I've actually slept, I suppose, just intense, crazy dreams.

I've also read Unbearable Lightness, a book about recovery from anorexia. I thought it was great, but I can't seem to shake it.

Then, I saw a woman when I was getting my haircut last week who was extremely thin and enjoying it. Honestly, I was a little jealous.

Lastly, my nutritionist weighed me and I had actually gained five pounds in the last few months.

I didn't realize this was actually getting to me until I noticed my dog being very restless and unable to relax. Then I realized I was doing the same thing.

Sometimes recovery feels like shit. When you're at the bottom of the well, all you have to do is get out of bed and the world claps for you. When you're doing okay the bar is so much higher and there's so much more to lose. Today is one of the those scary days, but I have to remind myself those scary days used to be my whole life. Tomorrow will bring balance.'